Procrastination and Angst

This is not going to be pretty.  It’s going to be disgustingly, revoltingly, self-indulgently… agonizingly… angsty.  You might want to look away.

Still with me?  Okay, you were warned.

Argh!  Why?  WHY am I procrastinating on starting the novelization of Biomalware?!

I started a short story one day and ended up deleting the two paragraphs that I managed to write.  What is going on?!

Have I attached too much importance to Biomalware so that I’m scared to start it and mess it up?  I need a shitty first draft, as Anne Lamott puts it, to work with.  (Though I tend to get what I ask for so I’m a little nervous to think of it like that.  Maybe just focus on Julia Cameron’s idea of asking the Universe to do quality control while I produce the quantity.)

I need a schedule.  First thing in the morning is my favorite time to write but that’s not really possible with a 2 year old who has an erratic sleeping schedule.  Lunch time at work and nap time when I’m home is my only real regular time to write.  Hard to get my mind into that space when I’m amped up or overtired but it’s the only time I have so I’m just going to have to make that sleep deprivation work for me.

Sleep deprivation tends to put my internal editor to sleep first.  (Shhh.)  I feel like I’m just sleep deprived enough to write something interesting.  For example, this popped into my head earlier, “I must be a trial to live with at times but it’s got to be more fun than your average camel.  At least I don’t spit in your eye.”

I think I may have to start with something smaller, something I haven’t invested so much hope in.

Or maybe that’s just more procrastination.

Okay, time to write.

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